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Social \ Jokes

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Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
another one from that website
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
Mario128
Kudos: 9,085
Mates: 135
Hey i have the best joke, Why wasn't the 11 year old allowed in the pirate movie.... (this is goin to be good) ........ Because it was rated rrrrrrrrrr.
Sorry that wasn't funny lol.
07/05/2007
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Adelaide
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
To beat up a paraplegic who stole his lunch? Because moose child was there as well and it was too good to pass up? Because I couldn't swim across the river? Because the germans would shoot me if I didn't? To avoid some form of minority? Racial Slur? Because I needed to get to the other side, thus requiring to cross the road, anything else would be illogical? WHAT???
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
leeman34
Kudos: 12,454
Mates: 452

mywiisites said: why did rerun cross the road ?



because his di%k was stuck in a chicken

just joke rerun
07/05/2007
Soul Calibur Legends
I am banned for good reason. All hail Guyver
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
That was SO not as good as my thought-up-on-the-spot punchlines...
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
another one from that website
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin, I ain't horny. I'm homesick."
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
another one from that website
Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
That's good but the material is very old and irrelavent...
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
Hey, I get the jokes off the website, blame it.
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
another from the website, don't like the joke, blame it
A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man in a bar.
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ye see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. Piled it for months. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..." blurts the old man.

Then the old man gestured at the bar.

"Look here at the bar. Do ye see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down with me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor for eight days. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..." claims the old man.

Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ye see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me MacGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..." says the old man.

Then the old man looks around nervously, making sure no one is paying attention. "But ye screw one goat..."
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
HAHAHAHA! FUNNIEST JOKE YET!
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
What about this one
After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370HSSV 0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the F B I. No one could solve it so it went to the C I A, then to NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. MI-6 cabled the White House:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
Guyver
Kudos: 14,109
Mates: 173
Yeah that last one you posted Version2 is the best of the lot next to Mywiisites chicken joke.
07/05/2007
Resident Evil 4
Sunny Melbourne :p
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
another from website
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129

Guyver said: Yeah that last one you posted Version2 is the best of the lot next to Mywiisites chicken joke.



That wasn't a joke...it got stuck ...
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
leeman34
Kudos: 12,454
Mates: 452

RerunWii said:

Guyver said: Yeah that last one you posted Version2 is the best of the lot next to Mywiisites chicken joke.



That wasn't a joke...it got stuck ...


yay im glad sombody thought it was funny
07/05/2007
Soul Calibur Legends
I am banned for good reason. All hail Guyver
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
Rerun is the same thing gonna hapen tonight like last night?
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
What I'll call up my girlfriend and she'll say "no, not tonight" I'm sick of you?
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
Version2
Kudos: 6,756
Mates: 125
No, when we said random stuff on threads.
07/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Reality is just a virtual concept
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
Meh, maybe...
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
nbo
Kudos: 7,774
Mates: 82
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."


this is my fave joke koz a panda is my fav animal
07/05/2007
I am a walking Screaming hell A thing of torture to behold This vivisection Splits my soul A thing of torture to behold
RerunWii
Kudos: 9,485
Mates: 129
That's pretty good...
07/05/2007
Street fighter 2 turbo;hyper fighting
The land of Prosperity...ok Brisbane
Mattster
Kudos: 582
Mates: 31
Ok.
A man dies, goes to Heaven and meets St Peter at the Pearly Gates. St Peter checks his life story, nods and leads him into Heaven.
As the Pearly Gates close behind them St Peter explains that today was a pretty slow day for new arrivals, and so he offered to give the guy a short tour, to which the guy agrees.
St Peter shows him God's big cathedral, the spa, and eventually they come to an enormous room full of clocks. Every clock is different, and most clocks are ticking away at a fairly slow pace, although a few clocks are moving a bit faster. In the middle of the ceiling is one large clock that is going so fast it's actually blowing air down onto them.
St Peter explains that each clock corresponds to a living person on Earth, and displays how much time they have left before they die. He also says that every time someone commits a sin on Earth their clock speeds up a little.
"But what about that one?" asks the guy, pointing to the large clock on the ceiling.
"Oh," says St Peter, "that's OJ Simpson's clock. We figured it could double as a fan."
08/05/2007
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Sydney, NSW
Wii-Fan
Kudos: 5,410
Mates: 53
Who is blonde cause here are some blonde jokes!!!!!!!

Ok all the blonde are standing on the balcony and there house is on fire...

Blonde 1,2,3: fire, fire, fire,
Blonde 1 : I know why dont we all shout together
Blonde 2 : Hey thats a good idea
Blonde 1,2,3: ready 1,2,3 TOGETHER TOGETHER TOGETHER



A blonde is sitting at a vending machine and putting in coin after coin and theres lots of things at the bottom but now there is a big que all waiting for her

Man Waiting: Ummm... miss could you hurry
Blonde : ahhh hello can't you see i'm WINNING!!!!!



A red head a blonde and a brunette all jump off a cliff who hites the ground last???

The blonde, because she stops to ask for directions!!!!! lol



Ok this one is good
So the blonde goes to see a movie and she goes up to the guy at the counter and says "can I please see this movie" he says "yeah sure but you'll have to take out your head phones" so the blonde says "what no way I'm not doing that.

So she goes to another city and walks into the cinema and says "can I please see this movie" he says "yeah sure but you'll have to take out your head phones" so she says "what you've got to be kidding me!!!!" and walks out
08/05/2007
Yarra Valley ,Melbourne, Victoria
Wii-Fan
Kudos: 5,410
Mates: 53
Ok my last post got cut off so hears that joke continued...


So she's takin a plane to queensland and she walks into the brisbane cinema and goes "can I please see this movie" he says "yeah sure but you'll have to take out your head phones" so she says "ok then fine!!!!!" but as she walks into the cinema the man selling tickets see's her drop dead he says "oh no what have i done!!!" so as he picks up the head phones that the blonde took out he hears
"Breath in...... breath out......breath in...... breath out"


A blind man walks into a bar and says to the waitress do you wanna hear a blonde joke, she says "well i'm blonde and there are about 5 other blondes in this bar so do you really want to tell a blonde joke" he says "good point I wouldn't to explain it five times!!!"
08/05/2007
Yarra Valley ,Melbourne, Victoria
 
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