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Social \ Jokes

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FunkyKong
Kudos: 6,835
Mates: 105

Hazman said: Why can't the North Queensland Cowboys light their 4 Fires???

Because they have only won 3 Matches. Hahaha

Best one i can cook up.



What 4 fires?
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney, NSW.
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Hazman
Kudos: 1,777
Mates: 126

FunkyKong said:


Hazman said: Why can't the North Queensland Cowboys light their 4 Fires???
Because they have only won 3 Matches. Hahaha
Best one i can cook up.


What 4 fires?



I dunno.
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Brookvale
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom "I'm sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes."

Suddenly there's another bang. Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they''ll be delayed two hours.

Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they'll be delayed 3 hours.

The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, "Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we''ll be up here all day."





An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
kolpol9
Kudos: 10,780
Mates: 573
lol impo!
29/07/2008
Josepi says: making stuff for nazis isnt what I call a good job
XxmadmanxX
Kudos: 4,924
Mates: 85

kolpol9 said: lol impo!



LOL that amish one is classic haha i have heard the plane one before tho lol
29/07/2008
Resident Evil 4
Perth
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116

kolpol9 said: lol impo!



thanks i have more if you want, ive put alot of jokes on this thread
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
kolpol9
Kudos: 10,780
Mates: 573
More please
29/07/2008
Josepi says: making stuff for nazis isnt what I call a good job
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Kamon62
Kudos: 2,530
Mates: 60

impo said: Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."
Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"



Lol blonde jokes. I think blonde should stop being offended and laugh, I mean that could be put in any context any still be funny. Bronette jokes, anyone?
29/07/2008
Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Claiming ownership over Malaka's conscience since 30/8/08!
FunkyKong
Kudos: 6,835
Mates: 105
Haha, awesome finds Impo.
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney, NSW.
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
this one is not really funny but not a total dud:

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
peachgirl
Kudos: 1,396
Mates: 304
another lol joke from impo
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
mushroom kingdom
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116

peachgirl said: another lol joke from impo



im starting to lose them though
oh well... ill think of more

edit: got one

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
peachgirl
Kudos: 1,396
Mates: 304
yay! another joke! lololol!!!
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
mushroom kingdom
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116

peachgirl said: yay! another joke! lololol!!!


the only thing ive been doing is waiting for people to post so i dont double post


The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
peachgirl
Kudos: 1,396
Mates: 304
lol funny! any more?
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
mushroom kingdom
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116

peachgirl said: lol funny! any more?



might, but i gotta think more
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
impo
Kudos: 2,381
Mates: 116
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"



4 posts in a row!!!!!!!!
thats how long my joke was!!!!!!
im going to bed so ill be on tomorrow if you want more jokes, bye
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Sh3ll
Kudos: 197
Mates: 5
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a call centre in Pakistan .
I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

PMSL
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney
FunkyKong
Kudos: 6,835
Mates: 105

impo said:

peachgirl said: lol funny! any more?



might, but i gotta think more



They are funny, but you are just copy & pasting.
Notice how whenever you tell the joke the grammar and punctuation is perfect and whenever you type non-joke comments, the grammar isn't.
You are just as good for providing us with found jokes, as making them yourself as long as they are funny, keep it up.
They are funny.
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney, NSW.
dermy
Kudos: 7,770
Mates: 106

Sh3ll said: I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a call centre in Pakistan .

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

PMSL


Are all the jokes you tell going to be tasteless, unfunny, offensive trash?
Give up.
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Melbourne, Victoria
Sh3ll
Kudos: 197
Mates: 5
Cant help it if you have no sense of humor
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney
 
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