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Social \ Jokes

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Slick
Kudos: 672
Mates: 31
Hey I have this good one.
...
Well I forgot it but the punch-line is dead babies.
18/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
QUEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNSSSSSLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDERRRRRRR!
Silence
Kudos: 5,822
Mates: 77
How many blonde joke are there?




3. The rest are true stories
18/07/2008
Bully: Scholarship Edition
Want something for nothing? Of course you do! https://mywii.com.au/Post.aspx?id=10311&p=1 Kingsbury, Victoria
Cascada97
Kudos: 4,397
Mates: 274
One of my faves is:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of tiny stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is most likely quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does that tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson! You idiot!" he screams at him. "Somebody has stolen our tent!"

My next one is:
A lady gets onto a bus, and the bus driver says, "What an ugly, horrible looking baby you have there! Ugh!" The lady sits at the back of the bus, fuming. She says to the man next to her, "The bus driver just insulted me!" The man replies, "That's not on! You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
18/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
*sings* somewhere over the rainbow... well, sydney
impo
Kudos: 1,542
Mates: 107
i got another

one day Paris Hilton bought a new car, so she and her friend Christina Aguleira, went on a shopping spree with it, when they came back to the car Paris sees that she locked her keys in the car. so they spend hours pacing, trying to think how to get the keys, when Paris spots rainclouds not far away, then she exclaimed "hurry Christina, theres a storm coming and i left the roof of the car open!"

PS. there was a different word for roof, i forgot it though
18/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Hazman
Kudos: 1,563
Mates: 119
Three drawfs were trying to get into the Guiness World Records. The 1st dwarf made it in with the worlds smallest hands, The 2nd one made it in with the worlds smallest feet and The 3rd dwarf tried out for the worlds smallest privates and walked out very grumpy and angry. I didn't get in says The 3rd Dwarf. Because this Hayden Smith guy beat me by 5cm.

Lol. Don't worry or ban me Cham. Only a Joke.

Another one:

What did The chicken call their baby

Egg.
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Brookvale
L3yt0N
Kudos: 1,394
Mates: 101
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...
too bad he can't cry
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Melbournian
Hazman
Kudos: 1,563
Mates: 119
Anyone like my dwarf and cham balam joke???

Here's another one

Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears???

So she wouldn't get hearing aides.
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Brookvale
turkey682
Kudos: 1,700
Mates: 129
well i got a couple of good one-liners for you guys, well here they are:

"Constipated People Don't Give A Crap."
"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."
"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed."
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
29/07/2008
Guitar Hero III
Wollongong, NSW
dermy
Kudos: 7,313
Mates: 102

turkey682 said:

"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."



Reminds me of that Futurama joke.
Fry: "Nobody drove in New York, there was too much traffic."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Melbourne, Victoria
ICC_06
Kudos: 13,394
Mates: 488
Worst joke ever from one of my teachers

You can't buy casual sex from coles...I've asked
29/07/2008
The Conduit
Why was the juice factory worker fired? He couldn't concentrate
turkey682
Kudos: 1,700
Mates: 129

dermy said:

turkey682 said:

"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."



Reminds me of that Futurama joke.

Fry: "Nobody drove in New York, there was too much traffic."



yeah it is ay
my mate just finds this stuff from the net so i thought i would share some
29/07/2008
Guitar Hero III
Wollongong, NSW
Matteh
Kudos: 4,396
Mates: 84

ICC_06 said: Worst joke ever from one of my teachers
You can't buy casual sex from coles...I've asked


Lol, teachers always tell the worse jokes, like this one time at my school, the teacher told this lame joke about math or something, and the class was just like..LAME SIRR! Lol was funny because he thought he was funny.

=D
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Bored Much?? Yes! Very much bored! D=
Djank
Kudos: 1,164
Mates: 36
I hope at least one person on this forum gets this joke


Who did the banjo player have for a girlfriend?



A: A relative minor
29/07/2008
NSW
Matteh
Kudos: 4,396
Mates: 84

Djank said: I hope at least one person on this forum gets this joke
Who did the banjo player have for a girlfriend?
A: A relative minor



Erm...I am thinking along the lines of hillbillys...like Cleatus and his sister Brandine, who is also the mother to his kids XD Am I right? Lol.

=D
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Bored Much?? Yes! Very much bored! D=
Weasle
Kudos: 944
Mates: 99
why didNT the chicken make it across the road cause it got hit by the bus
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Weasle Land
impo
Kudos: 1,542
Mates: 107
An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.

*** POOF ***

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''

i think this is funny lol
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Matteh
Kudos: 4,396
Mates: 84

impo said: An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''
*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.''
*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.
''Your third wish?'' asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. ''Ooh - can you change him into a handsome prince?'' she asks.
*** POOF ***
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, ''Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.''
i think this is funny lol



Lol nice one impo.

I will try to find a few..

=D
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Bored Much?? Yes! Very much bored! D=
impo
Kudos: 1,542
Mates: 107
thanks i was waiting for someone to post so i could say another:

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears.

The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

The woman says, "Okay. Give me a nice house."

The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."

The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."



and another:



Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side.

She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest."

"But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Sh3ll
Kudos: 197
Mates: 4
black man goes into the dr's and says he cant stop running the dr puts 2 lines of white powder on his desk and tells him 2 snort them ,this he does ,and immediately stops still **** me is that cocaine he says,no replies the dr its omo guaranteed to stop colours from running
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Sydney
FunkyKong
Kudos: 5,219
Mates: 101

Sh3ll said: black man goes into the dr's and says he cant stop running the dr puts 2 lines of white powder on his desk and tells him 2 snort them ,this he does ,and immediately stops still **** me is that cocaine he says,no replies the dr its omo guaranteed to stop colours from running



Lol.

Nice ones to Impo!
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
MKWII No items champion - Mushroom & Special Cup
Matteh
Kudos: 4,396
Mates: 84

Sh3ll said: black man goes into the dr's and says he cant stop running the dr puts 2 lines of white powder on his desk and tells him 2 snort them ,this he does ,and immediately stops still **** me is that cocaine he says,no replies the dr its omo guaranteed to stop colours from running



Lol funny, but some may be offended? I dunno..

Lol good jokes impo. Keep em coming!

=D
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Bored Much?? Yes! Very much bored! D=
Hazman
Kudos: 1,563
Mates: 119

Hazman said: Three drawfs were trying to get into the Guiness World Records. The 1st dwarf made it in with the worlds smallest hands, The 2nd one made it in with the worlds smallest feet and The 3rd dwarf tried out for the worlds smallest privates and walked out very grumpy and angry. I didn't get in says The 3rd Dwarf. Because this Hayden Smith guy beat me by 5cm.
Lol. Don't worry or ban me Cham. Only a Joke.
quote]

Anyone like this one

29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Brookvale
impo
Kudos: 1,542
Mates: 107
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."
29/07/2008
Mario Kart Wii
Westopolis
Hazman
Kudos: 1,563
Mates: 119
Why can't the North Queensland Cowboys light their 4 Fires???

Because they have only won 3 Matches. Hahaha

Best one i can cook up.
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Brookvale
jackoltene
Kudos: 13,461
Mates: 1533

Hazman said: Why can't the North Queensland Cowboys light their 4 Fires???
Because they have only won 3 Matches. Hahaha
Best one i can cook up.



good 1
29/07/2008
Super Smash Bros. Brawl
sydney
 
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