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The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 6,835

Mates: 105

impo said: The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

Haha, thats a good one.

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Sydney, NSW.

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

FunkyKong said:
impo said: The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

Haha, thats a good one.

thanks, this one might not be as good

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing from friday

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 159

Mates: 6

s4m1ul says:

impo said: The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

i dont get it...

31/07/2008

LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga

Adelaide

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

s4m1ul said:
impo said: The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

i dont get it...

the **** is basically meaning crap, but the actual word i used came up as ****

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 159

Mates: 6

s4m1ul says:

ohh, i thought it was the f word, which I just realised would be very inappropriate.

31/07/2008

LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga

Adelaide

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

s4m1ul said: ohh, i thought it was the f word, which I just realised would be very inappropriate.

i purposely left out any jokes i know that are racial (excluding blonde jokes) and that involve adult material or swearing apart from the last one (i forgot to say crap instead of the other word),
i think of the underaged children, just so you know

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 6,215

Mates: 90

Matteh says:

impo said:

s4m1ul said: ohh, i thought it was the f word, which I just realised would be very inappropriate.

i purposely left out any jokes i know that are racial (excluding blonde jokes) and that involve adult material or swearing apart from the last one (i forgot to say crap instead of the other word),
i think of the underaged children, just so you know

Lol its funny how you refer to blondes as a race, even though they should have their own

31/07/2008

Captain Rainbow

Give me a P...P! Give me a...........meh. Procrastination In Progress (P.I.P) =D

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

One day, a blonde wife, roughly 25, wanted to prove to her husband that not all blondes were dumb. So she decided she was going to paint the house while he was at work. When her husband got home,he noticed that she was digging through the closet,looking for something.
When he asked her what she was doing, she said,"the paint can said,for best results,to use two coats."

not as funny as my others but yeah

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 6,835

Mates: 105

Means they all took a dump on the town hall floor.

31/07/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Sydney, NSW.

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

FunkyKong said: Means they all took a dump on the town hall floor.

it could've been the walls

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

02/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

sorry for double post, but no ones posting

There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.

One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.

Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.

Who died and who lived?

The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.

05/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

some one start posting!

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

07/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 1,396

Mates: 304

more jokes please!

08/08/2008

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

mushroom kingdom

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

lol

i'll say this one first:

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"

"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."

08/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 6,835

Mates: 105

Triple posting? Tisk tisk, just edit your previous post.

08/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Sydney, NSW.

Kudos: 1,396

Mates: 304

yay for more jokes! lol!

08/08/2008

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

mushroom kingdom

Kudos: 2,381

Mates: 116

FunkyKong said: Triple posting? Tisk tisk, just edit your previous post.

it wouldn't fit

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

08/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Westopolis

Kudos: 6,835

Mates: 105

impo said:
FunkyKong said: Triple posting? Tisk tisk, just edit your previous post.

it wouldn't fit

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Well, just be patient. There's probably just no more interest in the jokes thread!

08/08/2008

Mario Kart Wii

Sydney, NSW.

Kudos: 1,396

Mates: 304

FunkyKong said:

impo said:

FunkyKong said: Triple posting? Tisk tisk, just edit your previous post.

it wouldn't fit
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Well, just be patient. There's probably just no more interest in the jokes thread!

i want to hear more jokes

08/08/2008

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

mushroom kingdom

Kudos: 1,616

Mates: 78

ShuffleZ says:

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A guy rolled in mud.
Wanna hear a clean one?
He had a shower.

Well you didn't say that had to be good.

08/08/2008

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Melbourne, Victoria!

Kudos: 1,396

Mates: 304

ShuffleZ said: Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A guy rolled in mud.
Wanna hear a clean one?
He had a shower.
Well you didn't say that had to be good.

its still funny somehow

08/08/2008

Super Smash Bros. Brawl

mushroom kingdom

Kudos: 6,835

Mates: 105