Sunday Banter: Complaining, it’s Our National Pastime

By Ben Salter

Before I start allow me to explain my first new concept for 2010. I spend a great deal of time writing about videogames every week, with the odd article about film or tech for good measure. However, there’s only so much one can ‘blog’ about these things before you rename the feature “this week on why I hate Michael Atkinson”. So, noticing that many of you like to discuss things in the real world in our forums I thought I’d start a (hopefully weekly) feature about general going-ons in the world, and the little things that stand out in my otherwise ordinary life. After all, it worked for Seinfeld. Leave some comments below about the idea, as well as this week’s topic, and if there’s a favourable reaction, and approval from the boss, it’ll become a regular thing.

Like every university student I do my best ‘thinking’ in bars on Saturday nights. It’s here where I, and my mates along with random strangers we end up conversing with, solve all of the world’s problems and figure out how to be successful where everyone else has failed. If you’ve surpassed 30 you’ll probably find that you do much the same thing down the pub on Friday nights. Unfortunately, come Sunday morning it’s all forgotten and I’m left with nothing more than the taste of stale cheeseburgers in my mouth wondering WTF happened to all my ingenious plans?

This week, however, I had a revelation while trying to convince everyone that I bought the last round. We’re a nation of complainers. While I have no doubt it extends well beyond Australia, I have not had the liberty of living overseas to confirm it exists in all cultures. I’ve always known that ‘old people’ complain; it’s what they do. When you don’t understand “facetube” or “youbook” and dress like it’s 1973, there’s not much else to do in these modern times other than complain. They’re the main culprits, the 60+ age group, but it extends further, and we all seem to have things that society grooms us to complain about.

Since the dawn of time, older generations have hated young people and everything they do. Every week we hear about “hoon P-platers”. It’s the big one when they’ve forgotten to take their medication and can’t remember anything else. An article published on news.com.au yesterday, said over 40% of people surveyed, aged over 55, want the driving age for L-plates not only raised, but pushed up to 21. Not only is that a ludicrous, impractical, suggestion it’s the perfect example of how they forget that they were no different to the youth of today. “Things are different today,” they say, and they’d be correct. The same survey found that a majority of retirement age drivers would fail their Ls test if they took it today. They don’t seem to bother trying to argue against that, because they don’t really care. I have a sneaking suspicion that they don’t give a rat’s tossbag - old people lingo you see - about young drivers. Simply, it’s the easiest thing to complain about, along with technology ruining everything. The retired community spend their days writing letters to the editor, and calling talkback radio to nitpick everything they consider to be wrong with the youth of today. Oh, and how global warming is myth, their bewilderment at FM radio, and to gloat that their garden is better than yours.

Those in the 30-55 age group don’t have a particular target, but they too troll the newspapers for things to whinge about at the water cooler. While they too dislike the damn kids of today, they are none too pleased with the old folk and their equally bad driving. The only thing the young-middle aged bracket constantly finds flaws in is politicians. I think we all agree we’d be better off being led by a magic 8-ball, but if said 8-ball did come to power this age group would lose most of their material. And that’s why we need the government as it is, any changes to actually make the system better would destroy our favourite pastime.

Finally the impressionable youth, who are apparently under the media’s control and all part of strange cults. University students are groomed to question the whole rotten system, but have the least power to actually do anything about it. It’s probably best to make the under 25 population powerless, as even the “science people”, the ones who apparently haven’t taken the easy way out (I’m not overly impressed with Science either, but that’s for another day), spend their time looking at shiny rocks, listing to music that’s too loud and trying to fund their many drunken antics. Facebook is the new talkback radio. Instead of calling in, and complaining that our roses are slightly off colour, we join Facebook groups the represent our opinions on important and medial matters. It’s speed complaining. Seeing as we don’t have time to call David Abraham on ABC radio every 5 minutes it’s the perfect substitute. The group “KEVIN RUDD = EPIC FAIL” represents political views, while “People who flash there lights to let you know there's a speed camera” shows our approval for the nice chaps who help us avoid the fuzz, and confirms our discontent for the ridiculous number of speed cameras.

Never fear, as I have a plan. Give retirees speed cameras, so they can feel like they’re stopping these hoon youths with their superchargers and bangin’ tunes. In actual fact the technology will bamboozle them and they’ll probably spend all night monitoring the speed of a their thumb, but they don’t need to know that. This means more cops can be sent into CBDs on Saturday nights and middle-aged people will feel safer and that taxpayer money is finally going somewhere useful. Then young people can continue to have drunken fun, as once the sun has set they don’t really care about anything. Problem solved.

I was going to end with something witty, as to why we should complain less, but then I realised it’s the wrong way to go about. I myself am complaining about everyone’s extreme levels of whinging. The fact is without complaints, what else would we talk about over a pint on the weekend, and what would AM radio broadcast?

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